it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
