It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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