I hate your face
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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