my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
