Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize