how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
