I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I want her autograph on my taint
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
