Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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