I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
