I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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