he puts the penis in happiness.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
