ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
