ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
