Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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