But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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