Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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