Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
