i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
