People in love make me want to vomit
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
