i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
