I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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