And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
