if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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