On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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