you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
