Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
