Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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