trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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