i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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