i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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