You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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