so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
