He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
