I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you win again, gameday.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize