If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
