omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
