i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
