Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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