oh god the rape fog is back!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
