Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
