Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
