apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
