You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
