I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
