wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
