This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
