If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
