Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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