I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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