we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
cat food counts as protein by the way
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
