I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
