I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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