I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
