What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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