"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
