96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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