I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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