i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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