wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
