it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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