and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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