Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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