My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
