She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
