Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
