My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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