so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's always time for handjobs
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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