I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
