You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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