the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
