if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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