I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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