fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
