i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
