Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I love you. Go after that dick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
