she was so not down for the gang bang
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
