remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
