The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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