very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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