Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
