pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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