I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
