I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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