I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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