he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
