YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
