Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
