he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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